


say my name (let me mean something more)

by RockerRema13



Category: Carpe Noctem, Vampire: The Masquerade, World of Darkness (Games)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Collins tries his best, The Echo Chamber, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, even the nice one that just wants to be a supportive husband, the message here is that all Giovanni are messed up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 05:18:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11396118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockerRema13/pseuds/RockerRema13
Summary: A character study of Collins Giovanni; what it means to be Family, to be in love, and the descent that follows.





	say my name (let me mean something more)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a character study of an OC within Clan Giovanni, based upon the setting of VtM/World of Darkness.

There is a certain mixture of dedication and adoration that creates a perfect blend of denial. 

Watching the world through rose tinted glasses can give a man just enough leeway to desperately cling to the familiar, to safety. His focus could stay on the soft hands within his own, cold and delicate and soaked in red that drips between fingers. The curve of hips and lips in front of him blurs his peripheral and he welcomes the lovely sight. He could ignore the sharp instruments beside them, the gleaming scalpel firm in her hand like an extension. He could be blind to the corpses that line the tables, chest cavities cracked open and indistinguishable insides splayed out. He could allow it all to fade to the background, let the faceless bodies blend into the scenery 

Collins lived for the dedication and adoration he gave. He thrived under the self awareness that held his denial so long as she held his heart.

-

Growing up, there are family traditions to follow and a father’s word to obey. There is the family business of signing contracts and going to meetings and walking under the sun. Then, there is the Family Business of smuggling drugs and weapons and burying bodies and paying off politicians and police. Then, deeper than all of that, held as an open secret, there is the Giovanni Family Business: conversing with the dead and watching the shadow lands and punching in metal doors and commanding anyone to do anything and only ever really existing in the night. 

Growing up, Collins learned the gradient of family tradition and family business and what his place was in the true Giovanni bloodline.

-

Something that a man must learn quick is how to react when a deal turns sour. He needs to know what he was sent to do, to be: the fists or the mouth piece or the unsuspecting pack mule. Despite his ambition, Collins knew his place on the first mission he was sent on. When cues are given and his restless, Inhumane cousins stalk forward, the small twig of a young man takes his leave and waits outside the room. 

He knows his place.

There are the familiar sounds of fists hitting flesh, so much so that he imagines the earlier years of his cousins wrestling and fighting in the yard. Grunts and over turned tables and breaking glass – he’s heard it all before, all at family outings and in restaurants. He’s almost bored with the wait but nonetheless ready for it to be over. 

It’s when the screaming starts that Collins feels his spine straighten. The sounds seem to centralize in one location, all efforts in focus as they’ve stopped stumbling about in the room. Curdling screams never seem to stop, only pause for short gasping breaths before beginning again, as if there could be anyone to help. Collins hyper-focuses on the aging wallpaper on the opposite wall and urges it to be over. He becomes distantly aware of the twisting in his gut and the contracting of his muscles. He breathes through his mouth when the smell of sticky iron seeps into the hallway. And the first time Collins hears the sound of breaking bones it’s only a backdrop to the repetitive thuds of something wet and soggy being beat into the floorboards. 

When the noise stops, Collins is suddenly, intimately aware of his own breathing, of his own body waiting for the order to run. He is aware of the cold sweat rolling down his neck and the coiling dread inside him urging to get away, to get as far away as possible because there is nothing behind that door but _danger, danger, **danger.**_

But there would be no where to run, anyway. When the door creaks open and he forces himself to turn inside, Collins keeps his eyes off the bodies that no longer have anything even resembling heads. His eyes stay trained on the wrapped drugs as he stuffs them into the bag, believing that if he doesn’t look and doesn’t acknowledge any of it, that he somehow is excluded from the scene. 

He’s not part of the act. He’s just a kid following his father’s orders and trying not to vomit his guts out on his first mission. 

Somewhere behind him, Collins can hear something like laughter from his cousins. Except, the tone is off and the cadence makes his skin crawl. Their laughs are soundtracks in the middle of an abandoned apartment complex. The humor could be at their victory or at the mess or at the dead men who thought they could go against a Giovanni. 

But when they call out after him, _“Collins, cousin!”_ With sharp teeth and cruel jokes, he runs.

Collins scurries out the door and doesn’t look back. His task is done and he has reports to write.

Giovanni Business was never pleasant when family kindred were involved. His father warned him. 

-

His father had warned him about many issues regarding family and business and being a Giovanni. There are roles everyone partakes in. Sometimes you are a drug mule or hitman, sometimes you kept books and records, and sometimes you kept Books and Records. However, if you are chosen, sometimes you are seen as a valuable investment to the Family and are offered opportunities you can not deny. 

After the eye opening disaster that was his first mission, Collins is given another and another. He tags along and fulfills his duties while conditioning himself to no longer gag at the pungent odor of blood and death. And somewhere along the way he is given his chance, his opportunity, the holy grail of gifts from the Family. He accepts it because he must. Because his father wants him to.

Because when his father smiles at him with pride, he feels accomplished. 

Because when his father says he will be Embraced by him, Collins feels rewarded. 

Because when his father calls to him now, _“Collins, son!”_ He finally feels worthy of something.

His father warns him, unconvincingly, about the dangers of being a Kindred, and Collins accepts anyway. 

-

His father doesn’t warn him about the dangers of being in love.

He was never warned about how far one would go for just another taste.

Everyone had their roles to fulfill and Collins knew his since the start. His true duty, his primary mission in life, was never solely to the family. During his studying for his new opportunity in life, there is a great disruption. 

A heinous betrayal in the Family is revealed – _a Giovanni selling Family secrets to a Malkavian._

A tragic circumstance brought before him – _the daughter is a ghoul, a pawn, used and abused._

A change in plans must be made and Collins knows, he knows – _give up his Embrace to save her._

He knows his life is not the one that matters. His climb up the Family tier is pointless if he’s alone, if she’s dead and gone with no ghost left behind. Collins doesn’t care about any of that.

It’s not about family traditions or business or power or learning the secrets of the Giovanni bloodline. 

It’s about love. 

Dedication and adoration given to one whom he truly cares for above all else. 

_Cecilia._

His love.

That is what his existence is fueled by. He is supposed to be her keeper, her caretaker, and her sole connection to the living world around her. That is his responsibility and he’ll do what he must, what he wants to do. His place in life is with her. His purpose, his reason, his selfish desires, his everything. It has always been for her. No matter what his father wants, what the Red Aunt plans, or what the Capo proclaims – he is hers. 

That thin line of awareness and denial is his path beside her. He walks it with confidence because he knows. Because she has been betrayed by the Family too much, been scarred too deep. She has come too close to final death than he ever wants to witness. If he were to stray, she would suffer and that would not be allowed. 

He loves her far too much to let her be hurt again. 

And oh, does he love her. 

-

His first crime of compassion is holding her still body against his after she drove a broken piece of wood into a cousin’s chest, over and over and over again until there was nothing but ash at their feet. For the first time in a long time he sees her full of passion, so alive, and so herself. Even if she doesn’t breathe.

His first crime of passion is kissing her cold lips as she marvels at the withering body before them. Collins doesn’t focus on the ringing screams or the sickening gurgles or the puddle of red that spreads out more and more. Death is absolutely nothing compared to her. He can’t help but be reeled in by her sheer excitement, wanting to physically bask in the long lost familiarity of her smile. And as he pulls away, he feels the warmth seeped out his mouth, feels the bruising points of her fingers digging into his arms. 

Sometimes the realization that someone has changed, that they’ve been Embraced, doesn’t sink in until kissing them feels like kissing a corpse.

As he searches her gaze for something, anything resembling who she was, he knows he won’t find it in her unblinking stare. He knows her humanity is crumbling before him, becoming ash inside her. He knows she is slipping closer and closer to an edge he cannot jump over to follow. 

But when Cecilia says his name, _“Collins, dear.”_ Absolute and familiar and grounding. He knows.

He knows whole heartedly and without a doubt.

Collins would do anything for her.

He would relinquish his hard earned chance at Embrace to ensure her safety. He would bring her corpses to keep her satisfied. He would obtain unique and morbid items to gain her praise. He would orchestrate a murder scene for her pleasure. He would run away to another city to see her thrive. 

Collins would ignore the very monster Cecilia has become, to see the remnants of who she was.

For her to say his name again, he would do anything. 

For her, he has done it all. 

Oh, he would let the whole world burn to ash if it meant staying by her side.

**Author's Note:**

> There's that choppy bit between Collins accepting Embrace and him giving it up to Cecilia that can only really be filled with Cecilia's own character backstory. 
> 
> And one day I'll finish that. Probably


End file.
